My last entry touched on this some, but as I was writing this up to explain at another place ... I loved how it came out -- written from my heart .... I hope my readers enjoy this

♥ღ FoReVeR & FoR aLwAyS ღ♥
I'm Happily Engaged to my soulmate!! Within our hearts we are already married, hoping things fall into place as planned to make it legal in 2010!!

We are lost love's that found each other again & rekindled what we had ... then it snowballed from there with our feelings! lol

The depth of our love, the strength of our bond .. is unlike anything else we've ever had with anyone else - an untouchable, unbreakable Love. Wasting those 16 years fighting what we felt inside, fighting that pull back to each other.

We're both ecstatic we finally stopped fighting Fate's hand to bring us back together & thankful our Eternal Flame continued burning all these years as it has. He is my everything, as I am his! We do have obstacles & hurdles in front of us ... but, he's worth it for me, I'm worth it for him ... and we're worth it for each other! We will never go another day without the other in it, even if we can't physically be together right now every day - our hearts are with each other every day, every hour, every minute, every second!

Yes it's a sappy, mushy love story - it's Our Love Story ... a Great True Love that even time, distance & hurdles couldn't keep apart!

The curious I'm sure would like to know if Our Love is so great why did it end to begin with? well that lays on myself; as I had a very manipulative sister who played a lot of mind games on me all my life and yes I allowed, in a sense, her to get into my head & change the facts and truth about what him & I had ... so I broke up with him, even though I was 4 or so months pregnant with our son. He ran a few states south to try to escape the pain he was in ... I ran north in the same state, to escape mine. We both tried to move on, even gave outward appearances we had, but reality within us - we never moved on. So yes, because of it all - we were without each other, living lives that weren't our destiny and caught in the middle was our son who went almost 16 years never knowing his real dad. Thankfully, I did right by our son and he never had any bad feelings towards his dad (or his family) & has welcomed his dad fully into his life Our son is also very happy we are together now, he supports us & stands beside us

**Did forget to give a time line ...
We met in 1992 ; our first date was Dec. 27th 1992 with our 2nd date Dec 31st 1992 after that we spent the next 5 or so months together practically 24/7 (yep by end of Jan 1993 we were living together). Broke up late May 1993 - our son was born Oct 27th 1993. September 14th 2009 I contacted him by sending a letter to him (he is in prison) ... that is where our rekindled love story starts up. He asked me to marry him in early November over the phone, then asked me in person Dec. 27th 2009 and that is where we are now.

I travel 3 hours each way every other Saturday to visit him. We get about 10 hours together. The chairs suck haha, but we do get to sit next to each other, can hold hands - we talk about so much & of course have those moments where we get lost in each others eyes Our first visit was Nov. 1st 2009, that month it wasn't quite every other Sat. as we were still working out the schedule. He calls me atleast once a day - sadly the calls are limited to 15 minutes each, but we take what we can. We write to each other all the time too.

Ok think that covers the stuff I forgot ... lol

"Truly & Always is my love for him & his for me!" ♥ "No matter what people may say, I'm going to love him anyway!" ♥ "Looking into his eyes, I see all that I need" ♥ "Sometimes we make love with our eyes" ♥ "The flame of our love will never die, for it burns through the stars for eternity" ♥ "If the love is true and meant to be ~ You will feel it through the heart, mind, and soul" ♥ "Love is when two hearts become one. True love is when two souls become one." ♥ "True Love doesn't have a happy ending ... because True Love doesn't have an ending" ♥ "Love which has been tested by distance & obstacles and has passed .... is True Love"

Well so much has happened since I last really posted here. I know I am a terrible blogger & I'm sure by now my readers are no longer stopping by, but just in case they are ... here is an update on my life! lol

First off, I have unpublished my last entry which talked about a house purchased. Things didn't go as planned with it, sadly we have had to walk away from it as it was just too much. I love the house, so it sucks, but because of other things that also happened afterward it was going to have to happen no matter what.

My marriage of almost 13 years is finally over. Please do not express pity or sadness. Some of my long time internet friends know that this was going to eventually happen. It almost happened a few times over the years, but I forced myself to stick it out for the security. It finally came to a point that even that wasn't worth it anymore. The marriage has been dead since really before it began. We both used each other in this so-called marriage. I used him for the security & he used me for someone to come home to. See the job he has, has him away from the home 9-10 months of the year. Which is why it was able to work in the beginning. However, there was never really any love there. I mean don't get me wrong, I do have love for him because he was a good provider for us & I do have 3 beautiful daughter's as a result of the marriage. We are divorced in every sense possible with exception of legal. That will most likely happen within a year. We want to wait until atleast after the end of the year, as tax time it is best for us to file jointly as usual.

Even though a lot of people never knew this, as it's not something most normal woman want to go around admitting, but my oldest - my son Nick - there was doubt on his paternity. The doubt didn't come about until the day he was born & the doctor's ran some testing & said he was 2-3 weeks atleast over-due. Because of that, then it took conception to a time period when the relationship with my then boyfriend was in the early stages & I did end up 1 time having sex with an ex. There is a long complicated back story to why this wasn't done sooner & why neither guy was around. I will state it was not on either of them, but me. The break up with the the then boyfriend was because of someone manipulating my thoughts (even more complicated story to that one!) & because I hurt him he ran instead of fighting for me, for us. We were young (I was 18 & he was 16 almost 17) & we didn't have the maturity nor strength to fight for our love, to fight against the huge obstacle tearing us apart right before our eyes that we didn't actually see, all while we wondered, "what the heck just happened?". After Nick was born I was going through a rough time because of the murder of my 1st nephew & his murderer still being free. so I ran, ran all the way to northern Michigan from the Detroit area. The only people I said good bye to was my mom & step-dad. Not even my closest friends knew I was leaving. Nick was only 8 months or so at the time. When he was 3 years old, after my 2nd nephew's murder by the same person & her eventual conviction for that one's murder, I was finally able to grieve their deaths. It took me another 5 years to finally realize what I had done, leaving like I did. So I begin the hard task of trying to find both of the guys. I lived over 5 hours a way from where I last knew they were and the internet was my only option. Suffice it to say I didn't get very far until this past summer. Thanks to facebook I found 1 of them. I did also find the other guy, my then boyfriend, but at a different site. I asked both if they were willing to take a dna. the 2nd guy had known there was a possibility, but the 1st guy never knew, since as I wrote above he had ran to try to escape the pain of our break up. The first guy, Dave (the then boyfriend) was the one named his father & he had no doubts even after all these years, but said no problem on taking a paternity test. Unfortunately though he is in prison so without a court order we couldn't easily do that. The 2nd guy, Paul, it took me a few months to get a yes from him - feelings complicated him giving me a yes, it was never about denying Nick, but about the fear he wouldn't be, as he always wanted & hoped he was. Once I got the yes then things moved fast, thanks to the fact you can walk into your local WalGreen's and purchase a dna kit. I traveled downstate to Paul, he swabbed his cheek then next day I mailed the kit out which also included Mine & Nick's dna. I did it next day to speed the process along. The company claims 3-5 days for results from time they get it, well shockingly the results were ready in only 2 days. I logged onto the site & I am so happy I can finally look at my now 16 year old son & say "Dave is your father", instead of saying "it's either Dave or Paul".

I will take this time to now explain that all these years I knew without a doubt I had a strong true love / soulmate connection to a guy from my past. I longed to be reunited with him, he is the reason I could never fully love another. I will admit, because of shit my very manipulative sister did to my mind I falsely put Paul in that title. After we were reunited (both myself with Paul & with Dave) the real true memories were able to come forth and the truth was, Paul was not that at all, he was important to me, but no he was not that true love I thought for 16 years he was. Instead letters & calls between Dave & I revealed that he is my true love, my soul and I am his. Dave & I have reunited our love for each other & though where he is currently does add obstacles for us, it is worth it to finally be reunited with my love. He is my yesterday, my today, my tomorrow .. my forever ... and I am his ♥ We have made a commitment to each other and yes, we have even spiritually, within our hearts ... basically in every way possible except legal ... married each other. He is my husband, and I am his wife. Within a year, we will also make it legal To describe what we have with each other is impossible, it's a love only we can convey to each other with a look, with words, with a smile ... It is a bonus that he is in fact Nick's real dad.

**Edit to add the below**

I travel 3 hours each way to visit him every other Saturday. The visits are from 10am until 8pm. It does suck as there are rules! We can hug/kiss at beginning and at end. during the visit we sit next to each other and we can hold hands. People don't understand how we can spend 10 hours together like that every other Saturday lol .. even his fellow inmates ask him what we talk about & do. We just giggle and say the truth .. we talk about everything and when we aren't talking we're just basking in our love together. We also talk on the phone 3-4 times a day @ 15 minutes each time. Some nights it's so hard to say goodbye knowing it'll be a day before we talk again. Plus lol, we write to each other a few times a week. We should know by mid-February if he might be released this year ... if not then obviously we'll keep waiting until he is released. Of course we hope he doesn't max out as that won't be until 2021 .. but, I'm here - I'm waiting it out for however long it takes until we can be together in all senses possible. ♥ we went 16 years with no contact at all, I know we can handle this and our love will continue to survive it all

Ok, I think that covers everything lol

December 27th 2009 he officially, in person asked me to marry him I of course said yes! This proposal came exactly 17 years to the day of our first date lol This was not planned as we both didn't put it together until after I was there for the visit.

Been way too long since I posted
My only excuse is life has taken over lol
If everything goes as planned I should be back to more how I was 2 years ago by the end of the year.

I hope everyone has been having a wonderful summer (or winter depending where you live)